Hitspoker Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men:Hitspoker
Reply: 10

Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men:Hitspoker

Lundy Bancroft
Lundy Bancroft Published in October 16, 2018, 5:28 am
 Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men:Hitspoker

Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men:Hitspoker


megana Reply to on 22 July 2016
The BEST book I have ever read on Domestic Violence. Includes recent research, myth-busting and more. Thought I knew it all- until this book.
Should be compulsory reading for law enforcement, social workers etc. Liberating for women caught in a cycle- you will undersand far better what is happening- how it's not 'your fault'.
PJ Reply to on 2 November 2016
This book helped me to understand who I was and what my husband is. It gave me the power to leave a 33 year marriage and not turn back because I felt sorry for him. It showed me that his behaviour was not ok and I deserve to be treated as a person and not a piece of nothing. As the book said, controlling abusers can be full on romantics but they don't love they love to own. That answered my question that has been going around my head for many years that how can someone that loves you treat you that way. One year later, my life is getting better and it has been a long struggle but when you can be honest with friends and family, you find that they already knew and will support you. A great book.
mandie126 Reply to on 31 March 2016
Only half way through reading but it made me realise lots of things he does are him not me,
Some parts are quite upsetting as it gave me a reality slap.
I think they wrote this book based on him!
Been to solicitors since realising...
aunttee Reply to on 22 July 2018
I originally read this book at the request of a friend who had hidden the fact that her marriage of more than twenty years had been difficult. While reading, I recognized the words and actions of a couple of family members (non-spousal) with whom I have had difficult relationships (one male and another female). I had long learned that honest efforts on my part did not improve the relationships but had succumbed to the guilt which the oft seen family members inspired. The information in Lundy Bancroft's book has been freeing.

I ordered this copy for a friend who is going through a difficult divorce. Again, she had said nothing about her husband, but it was obvious to me that he is controlling and treats her poorly. The information was like giving water to someone who was parched. It is helping her spring back emotionally from a verbally abusive and demanding husband. I do not mean to imply that all the damage done is magically undone but that the information provided helps the abused person begin to think more clearly and more accurately and take steps to protect herself from the abuser's destructive control.

I am in a professional relationship with the same man and now understand the manipulation, conflict and destruction he has caused in our company better. In conclusion, one does not need to be in an abusive marriage to gain helpful insight from this book.
Fabia Reply to on 27 January 2014
It is easy to get a bit carried away when writing a review but I cannot speak highly enough of this book. It is a lifesaver and I am not exaggerating when I say that. Lundy Bancroft knows what he is talking about and there really isn't much he doesn't cover in this book. It is empowering to learn that you are not the only one going through this kind of abuse. Hearing the accusations and insults in the mouths of other men in the book makes it clear to the victim that it is not your fault this is happening to you. It takes the power out of the words and insults and shows them for what they are, abusive tactics used to control an intimate partner. Lundy speaks in plain terms and leaves no room for the abuser, or the victim, to hide. You might not like some of what he has to say - for example, trying harder to please/placate your guy will probably make him MORE abusive, not less so - but you will listen to what Lundy has to say because he will have demonstrated already that his advice is valid, important and often life saving. I did not face physical abuse so my comment only relates to my circumstances (anyone who is at risk of physical harm needs to reach out IMMEDIATELY to a domestic violence organisation for support and help on how to stay safe) but I cannot recommend this book highly enough.
Amazon Customer
Amazon Customer Reply to on 21 November 2017
Essential book for understanding abusive men and how abusive relationships work. This helped me begin to understand that my relationship was abusive, and while it was difficult to take in at first, eventually I kept coming back to the book. What helped most was the steps for change for abusive men. When I saw that my ex's behaviour looked nothing like these steps and realised he had no interest in following them it helped me to see that thing were never going to get better. Even now after the relationship has ended almost a year ago, I dip back in to help me stay strong and know that I've made the right choices. I hope it will also help me to never ever end up with someone like that again.

Thank you Luncdy Bancroft for helping women like me come to grips with something that is so difficult to understand.
selena green
selena green Reply to on 5 December 2017
I've given this book 5 stars because it's absolutely brilliant in every sense. Easy to read, everyday language, down to earth, thorough and gripping. This unravelled the confusion of trying to work out "Why does he do that?, What can I do to make him better?, if I learn to be a better wife- maybe he won't get cross with me?". This book explains that and so much more. All of a sudden it was like the author switched on the light in my head and it all became crystal clear. If you are being abused, or know someone who is, if you have a daughter, sister or mother you care about this book is a MUST READ.
Molly Reply to on 10 April 2018
I read this when at the end of my tether in the need to try and see if my partner's behaviour is actually abuse or not toward me and our children.
This book in a very clear and concise way explains it all, debunks all the myths and excuses that has allowed him to get away with for so many miserable years.
I'm SO pleased I have read it, and now intend to take action.
ripply Reply to on 19 November 2015
This book has been a breath of fresh air. I've read a lot of self help/psychology books but this is the most insightful book I've ever read. It has really opened my eyes to all the confusing, manipulative mind games abusive men will play, not just with their partners, but with therapists too. It's something everyone should read.
Well done Mr Bancroft. You are one of a kind.
Amazon Customer
Amazon Customer Reply to on 27 October 2015
Best book I have ever read on this subject. Its the first one that has covered how he uses the children as weapons and the effect on them. I am forever reading that "zero contact" is the only way to be rid of these men but when you have children with one and the courts have given joint custody. Yes, they gave joint custody to a man who has a history of abuse. He has 5 Children to three women, all of whom have been subject to his abuse. If there is anything else from this Author I would like to read more.
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